By Heather Hatfield
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Hansa D. Bhargava, MD

Amanda Ezman, 31, of Oneida, N.Y. started potty training her daughter, Lilah, just a few months shy of her third birthday. Lilah was finally curious about the bathroom, and showing all the right signs that she was ready to start going like a “big girl.” Also, she was getting ready to move to a new day care facility, and potty training was a goal her parents wanted her to reach.

“We waited until we thought Lilah was ready,” Ezman says. “So when we did start, it went pretty smoothly -- she really wanted to learn how to use the potty like some of her friends who had already been potty trained, and after just a few tries, she started using the bathroom pretty consistently.”

Potty training is a skill all parents must help their little ones master. From timing the transition to the toilet to accidents and the occasional wet sheet at night, here are common problems moms and dads face, as well as tips and tricks from the experts that will help you and your child finally reach this major milestone.

Ready for Potty TrainingA common question parents of preschoolers ask themselves is, Should my child be potty trained by now?

“The average age at which a child will start to show interest in learning to potty train is around 2 years, but it’s a bell shaped curve -- some will go earlier and others not until 3 or even 4,” says Mark Wolraich, MD, the CMRI/Shaun Walters professor of pediatrics at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center.

While you and your child are busy preparing for preschool, her mind and body are growing and developing. Jenn Berman, PhD, family psychologist and author of SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Headstart in the First 3 Years, says in order to tackle the toilet, watch for these signs that she is really ready: 

Mentally. A child’s brain has to be able to receive the full bladder message, and the child has to be mature enough to know to hold his pee and poop in until he gets to a toilet, Berman says. The child also needs to understand the connection between the urge to pee and poop and the potty chair. Although this generally occurs between ages 18-22 months, it just happens later for some kids, as they get closer to approaching preschool age.

Physically. The child needs to be able to climb up onto the toilet by using a stool and with a hand from mom or dad. He needs to know to stop playing, and stay focused until he gets to the toilet. The child also must have the motor skills necessary to take off his clothes, and then relax and go.

Developmentally. A child needs to be ready for autonomy and say, “I want to do this myself,” Berman says. She needs to be independent enough to take care of her own potty needs.

Socially. A child needs to be aware that others are using the toilet and want to imitate that behavior, which can happen once they hit preschool and why sometimes, a second child may learn faster than her first-born sibling.

When a child has developed enough to reach these milestones, it's up to the parents to watch for signs that their little one is ready for the next step.

Potty Training CluesGenerally, your kids will offer you subtle -- and not so subtle -- clues that they are ready and willing to start the process of potty training. Your job is to make sure you notice them.

When your privacy goes out the window. If your child is constantly asking to go to the bathroom with you -- let him. Showing him how it’s done is part of the process of learning, Wolraich says.

Verbal clues. Does your daughter tell you before she’s going pee or poop? This is an obvious clue. Use it to your advantage and let your child use the bathroom instead of a diaper, suggests Wolraich, who is also the editor of the American Academy of Pediatrics Guide to Toilet Training. If she tells you after, start talking to her about telling you before she needs to go.

Non-verbal clues. Usually when a child is getting ready to go to pee or have a bowel movement in a diaper they look for some privacy, or quiet down as they get ready to go. This is a sign parents have to watch for and anticipate.

Gender isn’t always a clue. Although many parents think girls may have a slight edge in terms of timing, that’s not always the case. Parents shouldn’t fall into the trap of waiting until their child hits a certain age to start, regardless if their child is a boy or a girl, Berman says. If your child is shows and says he’s ready, get out the toilet training seat.

Stay Positive, Be ConsistentLike every skill a preschooler tries to master, this one takes time. For parents, staying positive and keeping your eye on the prize -- no more diapers! -- is the trick. Here are tips from experts and a mom whose child recently conquered potty training:

Positive reinforcement. Reinforce when your child is successful each and every time she uses the bathroom, but never punish when she’s not, Berman says.

Be consistent. Create a regular schedule throughout the day when you can give your child some time on the toilet, suggests Wolraich, such as when he gets up in the morning, before preschool starts if he attends in the morning, when he gets home, before dinner, and before bath and bedtime. Also, talk to your child’s preschool teachers so they can help with the process. They’ve probably been through this before with other children, and can offer some support.

Be patient. Understand that this will be a time commitment for parents and caregivers that you need to commit to -- each trip to the bathroom could be several minutes, Wolraich says. But keep in mind that if your child says he’s done, he’s done, even if he hasn’t gone yet. You can wait and try again later when your child is ready and willing.

Stay calm. “The biggest mistake I see parents making is to worry,” Wolraich says. “They think that if their child is not trained by a certain age it’s going to be a problem or going to be a reflection on them as parents.” Almost all kids eventually learn to use the bathroom, so relax, stay calm, don’t waste time worrying, and enjoy and celebrate the achievement when it happens.

Don’t give up. Once you start, don’t stop. “It can be really frustrating,” Ezman says. “Especially when they have accidents after a period of doing well. But you have to hang in there and be positive -- don’t go back to diapers or you are just setting your child back.”

Diapers be gone. “A couple of weeks into potty training, just throw out your diapers,” Ezman says. “Otherwise you’re using them as a crutch and it will just prolong the process.”

Potty Training Pitfalls. Despite your best efforts, potty training can have its setbacks, and it’s during these pitfalls that parents panic the most. Before you reach for the diaper bag, here are the most common challenges potty training preschoolers and parents face.

Bedwetting. It’s normal. Kids, especially younger kids, are deep sleepers, and they can easily sleep through the urge to go to the bathroom. So use nighttime pull-ups until they are fully potty trained, and don't panic if it takes until they are 4 or even 5 to make it through the night.

Accidents will happen. Just anticipate that accidents are part of the process -- it’s a given. If your child has an accident, tell her it’s OK and ask her to help you clean up -- a nonpunishing way for her to understand what’s happened, Wolraich suggests.

Regression. For kids who have a major life event -- her family moves, a new baby comes into the house, or her parents separate -- potty training regression can happen, Wolraich notes. In these situations, they might have lost the attention of their parents, so regression helps put them back in the spotlight. Or, the child’s stress is too overwhelming and the skills she’s mastered in the bathroom take a back seat. So as a parent, you need to be patient and continue working with your child on potty training -- it’s that simple.


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By Linda Broatch, M.A.

Preschool provides a foundation for learning both socially and academically that will help your child succeed in elementary school.

1. Preschool is an opportunity for growth

For many children, preschool is their first experience in a structured setting with teachers and groups of children. It's an opportunity to learn to share, follow instructions, and begin the foundation for learning that will occur in elementary school.

2. Preschool prepares children for kindergarten

As kindergarten becomes more academic, many parents look to preschool to launch their child on the path to success in school. At the same time, parents may worry that the current trend to focus on pre-math and pre-literacy skills in preschool cuts into important play time and pushes a child to grow up too fast. It's a confusing issue,especially with friends and family offering different opinions and advice.

Fortunately, in selecting a preschool, parents aren't forced to choose between protecting a child's play time and making sure she's ready for kindergarten. A high-quality early childhood education program will offer children both.

But how do high-quality preschools benefit children's learning and development? And what features should parents look for in a preschool program? One answer to these questions is that the staff at high-quality preschools and child care programs understand the particular ways that young children develop and learn. And they organize space, time and activities to be in sync with children's social, emotional, cognitive, and physical abilities.

3. Preschool promotes social and emotional development

In order to learn, a young child needs to feel cared for and secure with a teacher or caregiver. A 3-year-old child is able to spend time away from parents and build trusting relationships with adults outside the family. High-quality preschool programs nurture warm relationships among children, teachers and parents. And teachers build a close personal connection with each child in their care.

Children thrive when there is consistency in care between home and school. In high-quality preschools, teachers value parents as the experts on their children. Parents get daily reports on their child's activities and regular meetings are scheduled for more in-depth conferences with staff. Teachers strive to understand and respect parents' child-rearing goals and values.

Young children learn social skills and emotional self-control in "real time." Three- and 4-year-olds learn through their experiences and good teachers make time for those "teachable moments" when they can help children learn to manage frustrations or anger. They don't automatically step in to resolve children's conflicts for them; they have a well-honed sense of when to let children work out their own problems and when to intervene. Without shaming a child, they encourage her to notice the impact of her aggressive or hurtful behavior on another child.

A highly structured environment helps young children learn to make friends and play well with others. This doesn't mean there are lots of rules or that adults constantly direct children's activities. On the contrary, the structure of a high-quality preschool classroom is largely invisible to children. Classroom space is organized to encourage social interaction, and minimize congestion and conflicts.

Children have several choices of activities; a child who is wandering aimlessly is encouraged to choose one that interests him. Teachers are alert to a child who can't figure out how to enter other children's play and may offer him suggestions on ways to join the group.

6. Children learn to take care of themselves and others

Children's sense of competence and self-worth grow as they learn to take care of themselves and help others. Teachers appeal to a young child's desire to engage in "real work" by offering him chances to help out in the classroom, for example, by setting the table at snack time or feeding the classroom hamster. Children are expected to wash their hands before snack time, keep personal belongings in their "cubby," and put away toys before moving to a new activity.

Teachers also encourage a child to view herself as a resource for other children. For example, a teacher might ask a child who's more competent at pouring water to help a child who is learning. Or she might ask a "veteran" preschooler to show a newcomer where the sand toys are kept.

Throughout their school years, much of children's learning will take place in the company of their peers. In a high-quality preschool program, children are introduced to the behaviors required to function successfully in a kindergarten classroom. For example, during group activities such as "circle time," children learn to focus attention on the teacher, listen while others are speaking, and wait their turn to talk.

7. Preschool promotes language and cognitive skills [such as learning, thinking, remembering]

Preschool-age children's language skills are nurtured in a "language-rich" environment. Between the ages of 3 and 5, a child's vocabulary grows from 900 to 2,500 words, and her sentences become longer and more complex. In a conversational manner, and without dominating the discussion, teachers help children stretch their language skills by asking thought-provoking questions and introducing new vocabulary during science, art, snack time, and other activities. Children have many opportunities to sing, talk about favorite read-aloud books, and act out stories.

A young child's cognitive skills are strengthened by engaging in a wide range of hands-on activities that challenge her to observe closely, ask questions, test her ideas or solve a problem. However, teachers understand that preschool children are not logical in the adult sense of the word; their explanations of what makes a plant grow or why people get old, may not involve cause and effect. For example, "people get old because they have birthdays." They may rely on their senses and "magical thinking" rather than on reason to explain why wood floats in water and rocks sink - "The rock likes to be on the bottom because it's cooler."

To read more please click here: http://www.greatschools.org/students/academic-skills/1113-why-preschool.gs?page=2