When and how it developsHow did your child start connecting with other people? How and when did he start making friends? It all began with you. As his parent, you were your child's first playmate — the first one to laugh at his antics and respond to his babbled "conversation." With your help (and reassurance) he's learned how to interact with others and discovered how easy and fun it is to get them to smile, make faces, maybe even make "raspberry" noises back at him. For the next two years he'll build on these first experiences, learning to play games, hold conversations, make friends, and delight relatives. Learning to socialize is a lifelong process, one that your toddler is now discovering firsthand.

12 to 18 months
During the first year, your toddler focused mainly on developing physical skills such as grabbing and picking up objects and learning to walk. He enjoyed short bursts of playtime with others, such as Grandma and Grandpa, but he preferred you and perhaps a beloved babysitter or caregiver above all others.

It's a different story now that he's a toddler. He's increasingly interested in the world around him, though he still sees everything in terms of how it relates to him. As your child learns to talk and communicate, he's discovering other people and how fun it is to try to elicit reactions from others. (Toddlers love to flirt.) Of course, this is also the peak of many toddlers' separation anxiety, so your toddler may be unusually clingy and timid at times. Don't worry, this usually diminishes rapidly after 18 months.

Now is when your toddler will start to really enjoy the company of other kids, both his age and older. You may notice, though, that he and his pals engage primarily in "parallel play" — that is, they sit side by side but play on their own. Older toddlers (around 18 months old) start interacting more with their playmates but are fiercely protective of their toys.

Kids this age may go through a period when they act like mini Count Draculas, biting their friends, but that's usually related to their exploration of what they can do with their teeth and their inability to communicate what they need. Biting (and other forms of aggression such as pulling hair or kicking) usually diminishes as your child learns to express his feelings through words.

19 to 25 months
Around the time he turns 2, your toddler will start to actively reach out to other children. But as with any other skill, he learns how to socialize with others by trial and error. Right now, he's unable to share his things. That's because he lives in the moment and can't envision anything beyond it, so the concept of taking turns — of waiting to play with a toy until after his friend has had a chance — is meaningless to him.

Your almost-2-year-old may also be skittish around adults. While some toddlers are quite outgoing and tell anyone who will listen about their newest toy, many kids this age are intimidated by unfamiliar people. And why shouldn't they be? Grownups are much taller, louder, and more assertive than your toddler and his peers. When you host a party at home, for example, your child may bury his face behind your skirt and say nothing to your guests, or he may even cry and run out of the room. If he doesn't seem sociable, he's not testing you and being impolite, he's merely exercising his toddler right to take things slowly. Although feeling comfortable around older people is a good skill for your toddler to develop, there's no hurry. Your child will let you know when he's ready to sit on his auntie's lap or chat with your best friend.

26 to 30 months
Kids tend to become even more self-centered between the ages of 2 and 3. They don't yet have the emotional maturity to be able to put themselves in other people's shoes, and assume that everyone feels the way they do. But as your child gains experience around other children, he can start to get the hang of sharing and taking turns. He may not be generous all the time, but he can learn to let his playmates go before him on the slide, for example, or take the first cookie. But his attempts are still tentative, and he just as easily asserts his dominance the next minute.

At this age your toddler also may start to single out one or two friends he cherishes. When you watch him with them he may not seem particularly fond of them — he may even spend much of his time howling — but he probably mentions these friends at home, saying goodnight to them out loud, and recognizes them with glee when he sees photos of them. It's his way of letting you know that these are the children who have made an impact on him. They're his best buddies — at least as much as toddlers can be to each other.

While it may seem like a lost cause to try to teach a 2-year-old manners, your toddler is actually starting to learn the importance of social niceties. He may refuse to say "hello" to your neighbors when you introduce him, or forget to say "thank you" when his uncle gives him a toy for his birthday. But then again he may run back a few minutes later and say "hi" or give his uncle a giant hug. And there's nothing really wrong with his behavior — he'll learn these rules of polite society gradually over the next couple of years. But if you continue to treat him with respect, he'll learn how to treat others the same way.

31 to 36 months
Ever catch your little one deep in conversation with a pretend friend who's invisible to you? Don't worry; imaginary friends are normal at this age and pave the way for him to make friends for real. He's learning how to form deep attachments with someone else besides you, something you'll want to encourage.

At this age, your toddler is also fine-tuning his relationships with real friends as well as imaginary ones. He's becoming more in tune with others, especially you. He senses when you're feeling disappointed, for example, and will point out that "Mommy's sad." But he's not very good at it yet; he probably laughs when he sees his playmate trip on the sidewalk, or won't want to console his cousin when he cries. That's because he has yet to fully develop the cognitive skills necessary to be able to put himself in another person's shoes, the foundation of empathy. But that doesn't mean you can't model kind, empathetic behavior yourself when you're around him. You're his best teacher.

To continue reading this article please click on the link: http://www.babycenter.com/0_toddler-milestone-socialization_11742.bc

Keep your kids in line with these simple strategies.
By Cynthia Hanson 

As a 2-year-old, Nathaniel Lampros, of Sandy, Utah, was fascinated with toy swords and loved to duel with Kenayde, his 4-year-old sister. But inevitably, he'd whack her in the head, she'd dissolve in tears, and Angela, their mother, would come running to see what had happened. She'd ask Nathaniel to apologize, as well as give Kenayde a hug and make her laugh to pacify hurt feelings. If he resisted, Angela would put her son in time-out.

"I worried that Nathaniel would never outgrow his rough behavior, and there were days when I'd get so frustrated with him that I'd end up crying," recalls Lampros, now a mother of four. "But I really wanted Nathaniel to play nicely, so I did my best to teach him how to do it."

For many mothers, doling out effective discipline is one of the toughest and most frustrating tasks of parenting, a seemingly never-ending test of wills between you and your child. Because just when your 2-year-old "gets" that she can't thump her baby brother in the head with a doll, she'll latch on to another bothersome behavior -- and the process starts anew.

What exactly does it mean to "discipline" a toddler? Some people equate it with spanking and punishment, but that's not what we're talking about. As many parenting experts see it, discipline is about setting rules to stop your little one from engaging in behavior that's aggressive (hitting and biting), dangerous (running out in the street), and inappropriate (throwing food). It's also about following through with consequences when he breaks the rules -- or what Linda Pearson, a Denver-based psychiatric nurse practitioner who specializes in family and parent counseling, calls "being a good boss." Here are seven strategies that can help you set limits and stop bad behavior.

1. Pick Your Battles
"If you're always saying, 'No, no, no,' your child will tune out the no and won't understand your priorities," says Pearson, author of The Discipline Miracle (AMACOM). "Plus you can't possibly follow through on all of the nos.'" Define what's important to you, set limits accordingly, and follow through with appropriate consequences. Then ease up on little things that are annoying but otherwise fall into the "who cares?" category -- the habits your child is likely to outgrow, such as insisting on wearing purple (and only purple).

For Anna Lucca, of Washington, D.C., that means letting her 2-1/2-year-old daughter trash her bedroom before she dozes off for a nap. "I find books and clothes scattered all over the floor when Isabel wakes up, so she must get out of bed to play after I put her down," Lucca says. "I tell her not to make a mess, but she doesn't listen. Rather than try to catch her in the act and say, 'No, no, no,' I make her clean up right after her nap." Lucca is also quick to praise Isabel for saying please and sharing toys with her 5-month-old sister. "Hopefully, the positive reinforcement will encourage Isabel to do more of the good behavior -- and less of the bad," she says.

2. Know Your Child's Triggers
Some misbehavior is preventable -- as long as you can anticipate what will spark it and you create a game plan in advance, such as removing tangible temptations. This strategy worked for Jean Nelson, of Pasadena, California, after her 2-year-old son took delight in dragging toilet paper down the hall, giggling as the roll unfurled behind him. "The first two times Luke did it, I told him, 'No,' but when he did it a third time, I moved the toilet paper to a high shelf in the bathroom that he couldn't reach," Nelson says. "For a toddler, pulling toilet paper is irresistible fun. It was easier to take it out of his way than to fight about it."

If your 18-month-old is prone to grabbing cans off grocery store shelves, bring along some toys for him to play with in the cart while you're shopping. If your 2-year-old won't share her stuffed animals during playdates at home, remove them from the designated play area before her pal arrives. And if your 3-year-old likes to draw on the walls, stash the crayons in an out-of-reach drawer and don't let him color without supervision. Also, some children act out when they're hungry, overtired, or frustrated from being cooped up inside, says Harvey Karp, MD, creator of the DVD and book The Happiest Toddler on the Block (Bantam). Make sure your child eats healthy snacks, gets enough sleep (a minimum of 10 hours at night, plus a one- to two-hour nap), and plays outside to burn off energy -- even in chilly weather.

3. Be Consistent
"Between the ages of 2 and 3, children are working hard to understand how their behavior impacts the people around them," says Claire Lerner, LCSW, director of parenting resources with Zero to Three, a nationwide nonprofit promoting the healthy development of babies and toddlers. "If your reaction to a situation keeps changing -- one day you let your son throw a ball in the house and the next you don't -- you'll confuse him with mixed signals."

There's no timetable as to how many incidents and reprimands it will take before your child stops a certain misbehavior. But if you always respond the same way, he'll probably learn his lesson after four or five times. Consistency was key for Orly Isaacson, of Bethesda, Maryland, when her 18-month-old went through a biting phase. Each time Sasha chomped on Isaacson's finger, she used a louder-than-usual voice to correct her -- "Nooooooooo, Sasha! Don't bite! That hurts Mommy!" -- and then handed her a toy as a distraction. "I'm very low-key, so raising my voice startled Sasha and got the message across fast," she says. A caveat: by age 2, many kids learn how to make their parents lose resolve just by being cute. Don't let your child's tactics sway you -- no matter how cute (or clever) they are.

4. Don't Get Emotional
Sure, it's hard to stay calm when your 18-month-old yanks the dog's tail or your 3-year-old refuses to brush his teeth for the gazillionth night in a row. But if you scream in anger, the message you're trying to send will get lost and the situation will escalate -- fast. "When a child is flooded with a parent's negative mood, he'll see the emotion and won't hear what you're saying," explains William Coleman, MD, professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina Medical School, in Chapel Hill. Indeed, an angry reaction will only enhance the entertainment value for your child, so resist the urge to raise your voice. Take a deep breath, count to three, and get down to your child's eye level. Be fast and firm, serious and stern when you deliver the reprimand.

To read more tips on toddler discipline from Parent.com please click on the link: http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/tips/7-tips-for-disciplining-your-toddler/?page=2